Pregnancy and birth

Snappy comebacks

Steph shared a link in her last comment that took me to a page of hilarious twin pregnancy comebacks – you can find it here.  And here’s a preview:

“Did you do fertility treatments?”

  • “No.  My husband’s sperm is just super-powerful.”
  • “No.  I slept with two different men, and that’s how this happened.”
  • “I did.  Now let’s discuss your menstrual cycle.”
  • “I did.  Now let’s discuss the most emotionally gut-wrenching time in your life.”
  • “Why do you ask?”  This is the actual answer I always gave.  If someone asks because they’re struggling with infertility, I am more than happy to discuss it.  If you’re just being nosy, you can bite my huge pregnant ass.

Fantastic stuff.

And last night I realised that I’ve started dreaming up the comebacks I’d like to use when faced with thoughtless comments.  For “Oh my GOD you’re ENORMOUS!” comments from people who lack sufficient social grace to recognise that it might be more pleasant to not tell people that they look like the Goodyear blimp: “Yes, I am.  Is it my turn to make uncomplimentary comments about your appearance now?”

And my dream comeback to the ever-popular “rather you than me” comment would be: “Me too – I don’t think you’d be cut out for this kind of hard work.”

(Of course, I’ll probably always be far too worried about offending people to actually be rude.  Damn you, Mum, for raising me to be mindful of other people’s feelings!)

The best response for any inappropriate questions, in any circumstances, is the one that my mother taught me (and her mother taught her): “Why do you ask?”

6 thoughts on “Snappy comebacks

  1. Having manners is a nice thing so yay to your parents but i do hope that when you’re large and sore and feeling hot and tired if some rude person says something inappropriate you’ll say something back to remind them that seeing a pregnant woman does not give them the right to say stupid and ignorant things. I love “why do you ask?”, it puts them on the spot.

  2. Aww, the twin thing brings out so much ‘sympathy’ in people, it makes me laugh. I’ve never felt in any way unlucky to have twins – know too many people who have suffered REAL trouble to ever feel that having twins was a burden. I seriously used to feel quite defensive about it (especially since the twins are part of such a big family anyway), but now I just think I’m so lucky and if anything I feel sorry for anyone who thinks that having twins would be anything but a HUGE blessing. 🙂 I find that people who don’t know you well enough to know how excited and thrilled you are, just aren’t even worth being bothered about!

    1. I agree! And although I know it will be heaps of work to deal with two littlies at once, I’m delighted that I’ll only have to go through each stage – pregnancy, newborns, feral toddlers, etc – once, but still get an instant family out of it.

  3. I can’t believe people actually have the nerve to ask if you’ve had fertility treatments. I don’t think it would even occur to me as a thought never mind to actually pose the question. I have absolutely no interest in knowing how people got pregnant – it couldn’t be any less of my business – I’m generally just thrilled that they are.
    This is my first comment on this blog, so although belated, congratulations! I think you and Tristian will be fantastic parents.

    1. Thanks, Jacque! Yeah, that question is nearly always couched in ‘are there twins in your family’ terms, but that’s exactly what people are asking. It’s been the first thing that anybody who doesn’t know me well has asked, when finding out that we’re having twins. People are weirdos!

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