parenting · School

Mum is…

Hattie and Joe are learning to read. Every night, we listen to them work their way through a couple of books each, and it’s amazing to see them becoming familiar with words.

However, I feel like some of their books could be modernised to better reflect life in 2018. Take this modern classic, for example:

Photo 28-02-18, 7 07 30 AM

Hattie and Joe have suggested pages that could be added to more accurately portray their Mum’s life:

  • Mum is going to university.
  • Mum is writing an essay.
  • Mum is having a drink of wine. (Thanks for that, Joe!)
  • Mum is eating chocolate.
  • Mum is lying in the bath and reading her book.
  • Mum is having a nap.

I’m kind of hoping that they don’t suggest those additions to their teacher. Anyway, the original story could be updated without bringing my life into it!

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Mum is cooking a dinner that the kids won’t eat.

Mum is listening to her son tell her that he hates tomatoes today, despite loving them yesterday.

Mum is wishing the My Food Bag recipes didn’t always take twice as long as Nadia Lim promises.

Photo 28-02-18, 7 07 59 AM

Mum is trying not to lose her shit at the squabbling kids in the back seat.

Mum is considering whether she should just drive into a tree, in order to end the torture that is the Topp Twins singing She’ll be coming’ round the mountain…

Mum is driving by herself and listening to The Guilty Feminist podcast and enjoying all of the swearing.

Photo 28-02-18, 7 08 09 AM

Mum is loving the lack of small children clinging to her while she swims.

Mum is suddenly remembering that she hasn’t addressed her bikini line issues for a few weeks.

Mum is dreaming that she has the body confidence of the big old white man swimming in the next lane of the pool.

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Mum is burying the guinea pig that died earlier that day, and wondering whether the kids will notice the difference between that guinea pig and the replacement guinea pig she’s just bought from the pet shop.

Mum is digging up the bottle of gin she buried a couple of weeks ago.

Mum is hating every minute of this activity and wondering why anybody likes gardening, which is basically just outdoor housework.

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Mum is running away from her maternal responsibilities.

Mum is thinking about signing up for a half marathon, so she has a legitimate excuse to be out of the house for training runs every day for the next six months.

Mum is running much faster than her kids, and they’re going to start complaining about it in a minute.

Photo 28-02-18, 7 08 53 AM

Mum is reading the same book for the 27th night in a row.

Mum is finding it difficult to read this book without making sarcastic comments about the characters.

Mum is changing sexist and antiquated language on the fly, because she’s awesome like that.

Photo 28-02-18, 7 09 22 AM

Mum is sleeping during the day, while the kids are at school.

Mum is sleeping while Dad gives the kids a shower.

Mum is sleeping even though it’s only 8pm, the kids are in bed, and Dad’s been giving her the glad eye all evening.

 

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